"I Went To The Sundance Film Festival, and All I Got Was This Lousy $1.8 Million Dollar T-Shirt!"

Just when I thought my days as a snotty little punk were over, Troma, the company I've grown to revile as a boil on my very existence, inspires me to take a (ideological) stand.

Yesterday, having stumbled into work bleary after a late night that hadn't really ended, LK mentioned the opportunity to have me write a piece speaking out against the Sundance film fest. He'd been unusually complimentary and pleasant to me, seemingly because of the success of my efforts in Austin and Houston, and thus I jumped at the chance to prove myself and my talent, even though I had no strong feelings about Sundance either way.

That night, I received a short digest on some of this year's Sundance picks from the director of Tromadance. The picks he highlighted we certainly eye-opening. For "independent films," there were certainly a lot with strong Hollywood ties. Many of the movies seemed to feature Hollywood stars or directors. Several already had distribution by big companies.

I had the info. I had 3 hours of sleep. I was ready to roll.

Around 4 in the morning, just about the time my eyes stopped being able to focus on the computer screen in front of me, my first version was done. My first version was a bit... well, shall we say incendiary. It basically attacked Sundance as a fraud, Micheal Gondry and Chuck Palahniuk as sell-outs, and Robert Redford as a incestual rapist. It also had references to pedophiles and taking shits in the Olsen Twin's mouths. Overall, I rather liked it.

Brought it to Lloyd, he had me tone it down. His suggestions were sound, albiet I feel it became a bit gutless and lacked a lot of the humor I tried to put into it. Mostly, he wanted me to play it straight (this is, of course, coming from the LEAST straight man in show business... in ALL senses of the world). One thing that is important to remember when writing for LK is that subtlety isn't, has never been, and never will be one of his strong points. His motto: "Just fucking say it." There is no subtext, no verbal trickery that will impress him. The closest he gets to cunning wordplay is alliteration and bad puns (though I must admit an adimate affection for the aforementioned). "Just fucking say it."

He basically dictated (with occasional suggestions and word choices by me) the first and last paragraphs, as well as a few phrases here and there. Overall, though, he seemed to like it, which was an intensely proud moment for me.

Here is that version:

We here at the Troma Team have recently perused the list of so-called “independent films” being premiered at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival and it is clearer than ever why a 9th annual TRAMADANCE FILM FESTIVAL (www.tromadance.com) is a necessity. Sundance appears to have redefined the word “independent” to mean “a movie made by rich people, with rich people, and starring famous (and subsequently rich) people.”

Here are some examples of so-called “Sundance Independence:”

· “The Guitar," the directing debut of Amy Redford, to be shown in their PREMIERS section… and yes, that’s Robert Redford’s daughter, the man who basically owns the festival. I bet that one just snuck up on them.

· "Be Kind Rewind," directed and written by that total unknown Michel Gondry (“Being John Malkovich,” “Eternal Sunshine…”) and starring those total nobodies Mos Def and Jack Black. This one has already secured a New Line Cinema release.

· “Choke,” based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk. Oh, did we mention that he’s the guy who wrote “Fight Club?” Yeah, I think there was a movie made and it starred that guy. What’s his name? Brad something, married to that Angelina chick? Oh, and this movie has Angelica Houston and Sam Rockwell in it.

The festival is full of big names like this: Julianne Moore, Dennis Quaid, Sarah Jessica Parker, Thomas Haden Church, Ellen Page, Woody Harrelson, Emily Mortimer, Ben Kingsley, Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, Sean Penn, Catherine Keener, Stanley Tucci, John Turturro, Charles Theron, John Malkovich, Emily Blunt, Matthew Broderick, Alan Alda, Virginia Madsen, Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, and Ralph Fiennes, just to name a few.

On the directorial side, we have films from Morgan Spurlock (“Super Size Me”), Alan Ball (“American Beauty,” “Six Feet Under”), Bill Maher (“Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher”), and the most recent installment in George Romero’s “Dead” series, “Diary of the Dead.”

Not to mention the fact that several of these films ALREADY HAVE DISTRIBUTION. Overture Films, IFC, New Line Cinema, Warner Independent are a few of the companies mentioned.

After looking over the list of selections, some might say Sundance has betrayed independent cinema by carefully picking films that either already have distribution or are basically guaranteed by the star-power and money behind it, revealing them to be the sham they really are: a vetting-ground for the “serious artistic endeavors” of people who spend the other 364 days of the year filling our multiplexes with forgettable, mind-numbing bullshit. But how else can they support the bloated budgets and bureaucracy that Sundance has created over the years?

The vast majority of people making these films are IN NO WAY taking a risk by making them. If every Joe Blow with a video camera could get Winona Ryder to appear in his debut film, then maybe the “independent” aspect of the festival might mean something.

We at Troma are underpaid (if paid AT ALL), economically blacklisted, and one step away from living in refrigerator boxes. The last thing we want to do is put on a free film festival that produces no revenue in an obscenely expensive ski resort that caters to the fur-wearing elite. But we worship at the shrine of INDEPENDENT ART, and therefore we will present the 2008, 9th annual edition of the TROMADANCE FILM FESTIVAL in Park City, Utah, January 22nd through the 25th. We hope to be able to help keep alive the embers of TRUE CINEMATIC INDEPENDENCE, in the best American tradition.

We hope to see you there,

Lloyd Kaufman and the Troma Team


For more information, please go to www.tromadance.com where you can find information about our mission statement, the festival in previous years, submitting your films, donating to Tromadance, and volunteering.

These edits in place, all that was left was to choose a title. None were up to snuff. My favorite title I used as the title to this blog entry, though in the running were:

"How I Learned to Stop Worrying About True Independence and Learned To Love Sundance" (rejected: "title should be serious... clever but serious")

"Sundance redefines 'independence;' Rich people the world over politely clap and sip martinis" (rejected: "there's nothing wrong with martinis").

Either way, a title was no big deal. He could call it "Lloyd's fowl bowel movement" for all I cared (easy to say though: I knew that title was already taken). I was just proud to have written it and presumably proven myself capable of writing pieces that lived up to the high personal standards of the company that brought you such epic pieces as "Meat For Satan's Icebox" and "Psycho A-Go-Go."

However, my rejoicing was short lived. After emailing the tweaked version to Lloyd, I recieved this email from our Tromadance director.

"hold up people

my answers in bold

?????? ?The Guitar," the directing debut of Amy Redford, to be shown in their PREMIERS section? and yes, that?s Robert Redford?s daughter, the man who basically owns the festival. I bet that one just snuck up on them.

"basically owns?" (this one was admittedly one of Lloyd's additions I didn't quite agree with/understand)

?????? "Be Kind Rewind," directed and written by that total unknown Michel Gondry (?Being John Malkovich,? ?Eternal Sunshine??) and starring those total nobodies Mos Def and Jack Black. This one has already secured a New Line Cinema release.

Michel Gondry is not exactly a household name...I thought we were attacking studio secured pics in an "independent" atmosphere? (OK. I get that every film school geek jizzed over "Eternal Sunshine" [I was one of them], but also every frat-boy, redneck, and drunk spring-break cum-dumpster saw this movie too. Sure they don't know his name, but people know "Eternal Sunshine" if only as "that movie with all the crazy memory shit where Jim Carrey isn't funny")

?????? ??Choke,? based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk. Oh, did we mention that he?s the guy who wrote ?Fight Club?? Yeah, I think there was a movie made and it starred that guy. What?s his name? Brad something, married to that Angelina chick? Oh, and this movie has Angelica Houston and Sam Rockwell in it.

Attacking the writer? He has nothing to do with this and is probably America's most subversive author in the mainstream. He didn't succumb, popular taste did. Plus why mention Angelina for a Fight Club discussion. ("Most subversive writer in the mainstream?" Read Bret Easton Ellis? The Angelina thing also seems obvious to me: Fight Club = Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt = Angelina. Kevin Bacon = The Hollow Man. Figure it out.)

I think you guys need to redirect the passion

Stick with the fact that these films have distribution attached...don't cut your own tongue off by slamming these films independence since they WERE MADE independent of studios...but if you find out that studio money is involved in the making then you have a case...big money distributors attached before festival premiere...now there's your story"

This was followed quickly by an email from Lloyd to the effect of "I axed Gray to rewrite and make this totally serious;he will copy you on the new version."

Now, I'm not usually someone who has a problem taking criticism. I'm exceedingly self-critical and thus am usually well-prepared for people criticizing my work. I recognize I'm not Hemmingway or Steinbeck or anyone special when it comes to being a writer: I'm just a kid that likes to mouth off and has a decent vocabulary to back it up.

Yet something about this didn't sit right. I read it, re-read what I wrote, and then briefly shot off this response:

"I'd agree that we can tone back the direct attacks on people. I've re-done the essay to cut out things like Robert Redford owning the fest and the snide stuff about Michel Gondry (i do dig the guy) and Chuck P (overrated, but i'll let him slide). I could also take out the mention of the films from famous directors because, even though i feel it could be a legitimate point, not all of them are exactly household names and they deserve recognition for their accomplishments (though i really doubt george romero's new movie is going to be very good)

However, i DON'T think we need to cut out the basic suggestion that the fest is ideologically fucked and has lost sight of the idea of independence. theoretically, assuming they pay the $60 entry fee, any schmuck should have an equal chance of getting their film in the fest as Amy Redford, assuming his film is judge on it's merits, and likewise on being picked up for distribution. Now, i know it's naive to assume that Joe Blow's film he made for a couple grand will be able to stand up to a (comparatively) big budget feature by Bill Maher, but the fact that the fest seems to have such a significant cluster of already successful/wealthy people seems to suggest that they are pandering to a different crowd.

i think the difference between "big-money indie" and "average joe indie" is important and, if anything, i'd prefer to make it clearer in this. True, they are TECHNICALLY independent as they were made "independent" of a major studio, but they're still pitching balls they know the major studios can hit. it's a fine point and that's why Lloyd wisely had me add "SOME MIGHT SAY..." before we go off on Sundance betraying indie art. It's an incredibly stupid qualifier, as the "some" there obvious translates to "us numbskulls," but here it does make a difference.

also, who are we kidding about cutting off our tongues? are we expecting people to read this and take us LESS seriously? we're a bunch of snotty punks who set up shop up the street from Sundance to provide an alternative to the fest to begin with. Isn't that pretty much a big ol' "fuck you" to the fest anyway? Not only that but we're one of SEVERAL groups to do this, showing we aren't just John screaming in the wilderness. Plus we have Tromadances popping up in other places. There is obviously a need for it.

I understand the importance of not being inaccurate and not attacking people who are friendly to our ideals, but honestly, weakening the message might "cover our asses" in a way from being called over-zealous, but the people who would call us that are nitwits who wouldn't take our calls if we showed up at their houses with champagne and blowjobs. I think we sacrifice a good bit of our integrity if we aren't able to make stands on ideological points.

I understand it may be a bit of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. but in this case, the bathwater is so foul that the baby can go fuck himself. besides, I FUCKING HATE BABIES.

...ahem. that said, i'm young, snotty, and really don't care about being taken seriously, because who takes me seriously anyway? Also, passions aside, I understand we have a company to run and my huffing and puffing may not be what's best for it. below and attached is a re-done version. if you still think it's too much, I would be happy to re-do it again based on your suggestions."

Reading it back, it startles me in a way. Considering how spur of the moment it was, I'm actually pretty proud of my ability to convey my point and, most strange of all, my PASSION about it, neither of which I had coming into this article.

I think a big part of my passion comes from the whole debate tapping into my frustrations about Troma as a company and our "niche."

I'm a firm believer in success being found by being largely uncompromising and ballsy. I believe success is largely immaterial and can be created simply by convincing people that you consider YOURSELF successful. It's not about bluster or over-confidence, it's about being ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN of your value and not entertaining suggestions otherwise. People then seems to catch on and, remarkably enough, agree with you. Large groups always gravitate towards people or institutions they see as confident or self-assured because they believe that association with these groups will make THEM feel more self-assured. It merely takes time (hard to come by) and complete unflappability (even harder).

I feel Troma was successful, especially early on, by using this exact model. Assured that they'd never be truly successful, they gave up on it and just decided to be wacky and make wacky movies. This MADE them successful, albeit maybe not in a popular field, but among a cult audience.

The problem with the modern Troma, I feel, is a desire to walk that line between cult infamy and mainstream acknowledgement and respectability. Every day, there will be a hundred small examples of places were a younger Troma might just say "fuck it!" and seek opportunities outside the mainstream, but where now, as LK gets older, he seeks to pander to those interests who couldn't give two shits whether he made another movie again in his life. I understand his desire to book Poultrygeist for weekly screenings (especially given LK sunk his own money into it), but most theaters AREN'T INTERESTED. Putting out ads in Variety and The Hollywood Reporter might work for Beowulf, but not for us.

What makes it even harder to judge is the fact that people DO recognize us. We've had articles in Variety, The HR, as well as national newspapers. But I feel this was largely attriubited to us being seen as a company that doesn't care about popular recognition.

I feel this unwillingness to simply ignore these people who spend much of their time ignoring us is slowly dooming this company. Even my grandmother seems to have the right idea: "you should figure out where your press REALLY comes from," she said as I lamented the fact that it seemed like no one in the metropolitan cities of Austin and Houston would take my calls. The success of Poultrygeist in those cities i really, really wish I could attribute to the 3 interviews I got Lloyd in the back of some po-dunk publication, but I KNOW they weren't. It was from word of mouth and our website.

I think this new, gutless Troma that I fear creeping in, afraid of being "written off" by the mainstream, is far less appealing than the snotty punk upstart of yesteryear. It's fraudulent and a betrayal to the fans, who expect us to be a little bit nutty, if not full blown kooks. I get the point to be made about being economically blacklisted is vital, but the point shouldn't be that we'll ever be ff that list. The blacklist was the best thing for us. Martyrs becomes Saints real quick.

Food for thought.